We roll towards November in a sea of circumstances no one, I mean no one, is particularly happy with. When we take our yoga off the mat to become conscious creators of our lives…it can be befuddling. How did I get here?
I’m typing this with one hand. While it’s true, I am lucky, it’s my dominant hand, the creative in me loves the energy that comes with bilateral creativity – structure and freedom. I’m having an empowered moment in a yogic sense, although I am well in the midst of an unconscious creation – my left wrist is fractured. I tried several times to write the newsletter which I had planned for the, but I surrender to the pivot in my journey. Unconscious creation is something I’ve seldom heard discussed in manifestation circles. My experience is that it is part of the process of creating. If Cinderella hadn’t lost the shoe, if she hadn’t gone back into the realm of her step-family after losing her shoe, the story would not have been complete. Boring, actually. Makes me wonder if maybe that time back in service to the step-family helped her to know she was a princess through and through. A dignified, gracious elegant expression of princess. My understanding of spiritual practice is that we don’t have to create suffering to grow, but that sometimes our darkness needs to come to light in order for it to be transformed. In this sense an unconscious creation is not about making a mistake, but rather about healing. In this context, by healing, I mean the process of remembering that we are whole, and growing into the capacity to express that wholeness.
My days in the hospital were full, and not painful at all. I felt charged with energy of healing and inspired by the competent knowledgeable people on my healing team. In particular, I felt nurtured by the brave strong women responsible for my daily care. The nurses and their assistants were my main companions, and so, I heard their stories of growing through healing to become the women they are. They were key to my process.
I’ve mentioned that in this integrative process of yoga that sometimes “a tangle” arises. A place where the wholeness of the spirit is blocked from shining through. In listening to the nurses and engaging the healing process, my inner “brave strong” was ignited and given space to shine. I realized that, in my role as a legal assistant, and even to some degree in the yoga business, I’m invited on a daily basis to just shelve that and be a passive participant in the process, do what I’m told and what is expected of me. So I suppress it. For me to express wholly it needs its voice. Those qualities must be reintegrated into my life. My spirit has just declared ‘NO’ to it’s suppression in no uncertain terms by creating this situation in which I can express brave strong. As I move forward in healing, it’s my job to find a healthy venue for my brave strong, so I don’t create this kind of thing again, and that’s the work. To use the unconscious creation as a vehicle for evolution. In my opinion this is a powerful understanding to nurture when we encounter obstacles in our yoga practices. They are vehicles to move towards the remembrance of who we are – whole and complete.
How to work with an unconscious creation – when moving in a positive direction, full of good intentions and the whammy hits. Once again from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, the practice of kriya yoga (tapah, svadyaya, ishwara pranidhanani) can be useful. Kriya is purification, and any process of purification on the level of consciousness is healing. Some ways in which I’ve applied the practices:
- Owning the unconscious creation. I took responsibility for the presence of this event in my life. This acceptance is a form of surrender, or ishwara pranidhanani, Releasing of blame empowered me to move out of victimhood. “I don’t know how I created it, but I did”. In asana practice, be willing to consider that taking responsibility for your physical challenge opens the door to the possibility of change in the body.
- Saying “I don’t know how I created it” fostered spaciousness for svadyaya – self-reflection. By releasing self-blame clarity arose in my self-reflection, allowing perception of possibility – in this case of healing. This process is supported through meditation, or just simple resting in the breath – in the body. In asana practice, consider that the permanent may not be permanent, or perhaps our legs are not so long that we will never reach our toes.
- Take action. The first morning after I woke up in my own apartment, I rearranged the furniture in my dressing room where the accident occurred. I made myself good food to eat even if I didn’t feel like it (because I’m worthy of that) and I did my homework for my computer class with one hand. Healing is sometimes just about doing things differently, so I open to those little rearrangements. This is tapas, effort, commitment, you take a step forward maybe a small one, no matter what, in alignment with what you now know to true about you – your divine qualities. It could be brave and strong or kind and forgiving or creative and fun, whatever calls for expression.
This month we’ll be moving forward with Ustrasana, camel posture, with a consideration that our hands are the vehicles of our hearts. Expect some upcoming work with the hands, and the end of the year will bring us into downward facing dog.
Class schedule will remain the same, please note that I won’t be demonstrating most postures for the time being.
May you be healthy and well! May the practices of yoga support you in the creation of a joyful life. I look forward to seeing you in class soon.
Natalie Ullmann 